Category Archives: THE Toad

Thanksgiving with Family -It Doesn’t Get Any Better

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This year, for the first time since Thanksgiving 2013, THE Toad and I had family visit for Thanksgiving. What a wonderful treat! I miss the days of my childhood when Grandparents, Aunts/Uncles, and Cousins gathered at our house for a huge Thanksgiving dinner – cooked by my Mom & Grandma. However, as I have ranged far from my birthplace due to THE Toad and my jobs, we have seldom been able to celebrate holidays with family.

This year my Sister and her boyfriend visited for the first time. We made turkey, dressing, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, peas, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pies and dinner rolls – though not without some hiccups. First – the organic pumpkin used in the first set of pies had NO taste – we threw them away and made new ones, this time with the old standard – Libby’s pumpkin! Then I burned the first set of dinner rolls requiring the backup rolls to be used. The final result was a delicious dinner with pumpkin pie and whipped cream for desert. In the end everyone was stuffed and we adjourned to the family room to sit in front of the fireplace. Yes, it was finally cold enough to turn on the fireplace!

During the other days of their visit, we toured the little town where I live – doing some pre-Black Friday Christmas shopping at the small businesses downtown, touring the brewery, eating lunch at the deli, laughing our asses off, talking about growing up in the midwest, and seeing the  Christmas lights.  We had the best of times – making new memories and reminding ourselves of old ones. Nothing could have been better!

My Sister and I have become best friends as adults and have a great time together. She was always the adventurous, break all the rules one while I was the studious, follow the rules child. As children we never seemed to do much together – she was dolls and dresses and I was cowboy boots, cap pistols and jeans. But as adults, and thanks to modern technology, we are in contact every day even though we lives miles and several states apart.

I also talked to my Dad and to friends, IM’d with my brother and cousins, and said hi to friends on Facebook. While it definitely is not the same as the days of my childhood, we celebrate traditionally where possible and embrace the new ways to stay in touch with family & friends.

The Fourteen Week Chicago Shuffle

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For the past 14 weeks, work has required that I be at a customer site in the Chicago, IL area. This meant weekly travel that sometimes extended through the weekend, making my stay to two weeks. I have not seen my office at work since June 24th. Hopefully it’s still my office. Given the shortage of office space at work, they very well could have assigned it to someone else!

The good news is the customer accepted the system – allowing my company to gain needed third quarter revenue. The better news is that I am on vacation next week AND my Daughter is visiting!!! We are going to P A R T Y!!!!!

During my tenure in the Chicago area I discovered some great places to eat, some really neat towns and shopping areas, and found a great hair stylist at an Aveda Salon. And on one of those weekends I had to stay in Chicago for work, THE Toad came down for a weekend. We enjoyed a delicious dinner of Wylarah Filet Mignon at Eddie Merlot’s, Chicago-style deep dish pizza at Giordano’s and Chicago-style hot dogs at Portillo’s. While all of this was a SERIOUS deviation from THE Toad’s post heart attack diet, he immediately returned to the “straight and narrow” on  his diet. Come to find out, THE Toad has lost over 30 pounds since his heart attack! And he admitted to feeling much better. Now I have to get on my pony & get MY weight off. He is doing SO much better at watching his diet than I am; it’s sad.

While I said in one of my previous texts that I had a breakthrough in my eating and had avoided all the sweets, snacks and bad food during my initial weeks in Chicago, and I did manage 17 days of exercise, I completely fell off the wagon as the installation in Chicago grew more intense and stressful. The last month has pretty much been too many calories, no exercise, and stress, stress, stress! Not a combination for weight loss.

So what’s coming up after vacation? Back to Chicago! But, since the system was accepted, things “should” be less stressful. And, I have to eat better and exercise or I am going to be the next one to have a heart attack!

Work Travel, Heart Attack, and Other Crazy Toads

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So many Toads; so little time! The Toads in my life are moving at Mach 2 these days. Since my last blog post the Work Travel Toad has returned full time. As have the Bitchy Customer Work Toads. Lord save me from female Project Managers who feel they have to act like the ultimate bitch to be successful. I guess they never heard the old saying “you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar!” Do they really think it makes them more successful? I have worked the Project Management game for 15+ years and have been very successful at it, but not once have I felt the need to act like an unmitigated bitch to be successful. Treating people respectfully and appreciating their contribution to the project goes a lot further.

Then there is the 5 AM phone call to your hotel room from your Daughter to say “Mom, Daddy had a heart attack last night, emergency surgery and no one can get you on your cell phone!” Talk about shifting into over drive! Immediate calls to the corporate travel agency for a plane home, speeding drives to / from airports, one way car rentals, mad cart rides through the airport to get to the next plane, and a lot of luck got me to the hospital 12 hours later. THE Toad, was fine. I will say that he seems to have a new outlook on life and is more amenable to helping me and spending time with me.

Miraculously, he had driven himself to the hospital, then was transferred to another hospital where he underwent emergency surgery to insert a stent into the main artery to the heart. Turns out I was right – the day before I left on travel, when he had arm and shoulder pain, he was indeed having heart attacks. Of course, being your typical hard headed male, he was certain it was shoulder pain due to his torn rotator cuff. When the doctor was taking him into surgery, he suggested to THE Toad that he should listen to his wife next time as she was obviously smarter than him! Score one for the wife!

In the aftermath of the heart attack THE Toad & I have made the decision to move to New Hampshire to live closer to our Daughter. Luckily my work allows me to work from anywhere so long as I have a major airport nearby and a high speed internet connection. So, instead of waiting until I retire to move near my Daughter, we are putting the house we purchased 2 years ago up for sale and making plans to move. I truly hope my next move is to the funeral home! I have an enough moves in my life! On the other hand, I am very much looking forward to living near my Daughter and being able to visit with her more frequently. We have not lived in the same town since she was 18 years old and went off to college. This will be a real treat. She is, and always has been, my Daughter and my best friend. My journey through life with her is my most cherished experience.

During this past week, while working at the customer site, I had a critical breakthrough with the Weight Toad! I managed to resist the temptation to indulge in the various donuts, muffins, cookies and snacks that are ever present during major installs at a customer site. I stuck to my clean eating plan – consuming fish, chicken, salads (without massive amounts of salad dressing), veggies, black coffee and water. I felt SO much better all week long. Today I did indulge in a pizza for dinner and I must say, I feel really crappy this evening. Back to the clean eating tomorrow. I felt SO much better all last week. That was a MAJOR accomplishment for me. I also lost 2 pounds. At least the Weight Toad is going in the right direction – down!

And today just happens to be the 34th anniversary for THE Toad and I! Proof positive that miracles do happen!

 

Family Visits

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Another month has passed since my last post. Things are considerably better than they were in my Toads Down the Rabbit Hole post – due in large part to medication and in small part to the THE Toad in MY Road straightening up his act somewhat. Visits to Family Toads over the past month have helped immensely! Long conversations with a close Girlfriend, my Daughter, and my Sister have been invaluable at retaining my sanity.

I spent a week with my Father – always interesting. He has SO many things to say – many of which I agree with; many which I don’t. It was a wonderful visit and I cherish each one. I know that as the years pass, my visits with him become more and more important – both to me and him. Father has reached the age & health conditions where time left is much shorter than time passed. Luckily his mind is clear and he is able to golf, mow his grass, and drive – all things that provide him with a sense of continued freedom and self-worth.

Today finds THE Toad & me winding up a week spent with our Daughter & her Boyfriend. They are a wonderful couple with a great relationship. I truly enjoy spending time with them – they are so thoughtful – showing me places & things they think would interest me. And, given that my Daughter and I are identical twins separated in age by 21 years, I love all the same things she does; so the places we go are just as interesting to me as they are to them. Tuesday we visited Odiorne Point State Park in Rye, NH – beautiful ocean views & relics of WWII coastal defenses. The day of hiking & sightseeing was topped off with a delicious lobster dinner! Wednesday we visited Woodstock Vermont, a Sugar Bush Cheese & Maple Farm (a family-owned & run cheese & maple syrup farm), the Quechee Gourge, and lots of beautiful Vermont scenery. We also had Mother’s Day Brunch and Friday dinner with the Boyfriend’s parents. AWESOME people & GREAT food! We went to a ballgame, visited with friends that own a winery, ate some great Paella, and drank some of their wine – ooh, la, la – good food, good friends, and good wine – what more can you ask for! My Daughter & I discussed our move to New Hampshire when I retire. Now, if the plane just had not been delayed today causing us to miss our connection home! Alas they are stuck with us another day. I don’t think they mind. I certainly am enjoying the extra visit time. Happy, Happy, Happy!

Coming up on Memorial weekend I am flying to Phoenix to visit my Uncle, Aunt & Cousin. That will be another adventure to tell. I am so looking forward to seeing my Uncle! To say that I have always idolized him would be an understatement!

The Work Toad is as frustrating as ever. The last 6 months of the year are shaping up to be pure hell – working 7 days a week for months on end. Not my idea of fun and the reason I have decided to retire in 2 years, 3 months & 1 week instead of in 5 years, 3 months & 1 week. And yes, I am counting!

In the mean time, I purchased a new long lens for my camera & am getting back into my photography big time! Got to develop some options for retirement that do not involve IT or Project Management! The time has come to sharpen old skills, develop new ones and move out on the next book of my life!

Toads Down the Rabbit Hole

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Nearly a month has passed since my last post. Toads depression, binge eating, laziness, lack of discipline, frustration, and anger have taken me down the Rabbit Hole. And Alice and the Mad Hatter are no where to be found! There are no tea parties with fancy cups, splendid gardens, or funny animals.

Just Toad Frustration is attacking from two fronts – work and home. Toad Work Frustration is at an all-time high. My latest project requires me to deal with the most difficult customer I have ever been assigned. Customers always want to the most bang for the buck; I don’t blame them, I do too. But  I have never believed in being a bitch just because I am the Project Manager. It just makes everything associated with the project SO stressful. Do people that act like tyrants and treat others disrespectfully really believe they are effective? And when people jump down my throat, my natural tendency is to jump back! Of course, part of the Work Frustration Toad is mine – I just do not want to do this type of work any longer and cannot wait to retire. I got a taste of retirement several years ago when a work related injury benched me for 14 weeks. Best 14 weeks ever! Other than being able to work remotely when I am not required to be at a customer site, I just do not like the job. I much prefer building things.

Then there is the THE Toad – he is still absolutely no help, having told me he would rather “claw his own eyes out” than help me around the house. To say that hearing this has caused my emotions to spiral out of control would be an understatement. Weekends have been spent eating, repeatedly playing Rivers Elvish (game app on my iPhone), watching TV, and wishing the Toad would just disappear from my life. For the first time in my life, the depression and frustration I have been feeling have been spilling over into work. I have barely been able to do my job. The single thing I have managed to do is log my calories in My Fitness Pal every day. And let me tell you – most days the calories have been in the stratosphere – calories stack up SO FAST! No wonder I have hit a new all time high weight. I cannot blame this on genetics – unless I am somehow genetically predisposed to depression and overeating to drown my sorrows! I think I can truly understand how hard it must be for an alcoholic. I just cannot seem to control my eating. I realize it is emotional eating and that to overcome it, I need to address the emotions. Where to start? How to get there? Many questions; few answers. And never before have I revealed such information in a public forum.

So where to from here? How do I get my Toads back in line and my life back on track?

 

Toad’s Come in Many Forms

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I have been doing some deep pondering this past weekend since starting my blog. I mean, you can’t write a blog without something interesting to say. Who wants to listen to continuous rants about the lack of help from my spouse? Besides, why waste energy on being frustrated with the lack of help! I looked at his bank account balance this weekend – I’m hiring a cleaning team and paying for it out of his account!

I also realized that my spouse is not the only Toad in MY road. I have numerous Toads, although he is the biggest and by far the most frustrating. My other Toads are my fault. I get frustrated because of lack of help from him, so I just don’t do anything either. I figure if I let things get bad enough, he will pitch in and help. NOT! So this weekend, I began doing the work myself – slowly & quietly, leaving him to stew in his man cave. No one offered to fix breakfast and lunch / dinner were whatever leftovers he could find in the refrigerator – he HATES leftovers. I noshed on veggies and fruit – not much prep and he doesn’t like them!

MY next truly big Toad is my weight. I cannot blame that one on anyone but myself. Well, maybe my stupid brain too – that little voice in my brain that is always shouting “I want chips, I want sweets, I want …, I want …”. Once in my life, when my Daughter was little, I managed to lose 70+ pounds. I realized that if I did not, I might not live to raise her. I kept my weight down until she was in her early teens. I started gaining back when my Mother was diagnosed with cancer. Now 25+ years after my Mother’s death, I weigh more than I ever have in my life. Well last week, I decided that I have to get this Toad under control. Part of that control, is taking care of me, first and foremost. The male human Toad can take care of himself! Or not, his choice.

Writing this blog gives me time to reflect, take stock and focus on what is important to me. I have spent the past 60+ years being what I was expected to be, working to care for others, and to earn a living to keep a roof over mine & my family’s heads. While I still have to work to earn that living, I will be treating my precious free time much more carefully. I will not take it for granted and I will do things I want to do. And along the way, I may just get rid of some of The Toads in MY Road.

 

Waiting for Spring

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I thought I would share a cute bunny since Easter is only a few weeks away. While snow still covers the ground here, I am ready for spring, the flowers and the wildlife. Not that we don’t have plenty of wildlife around in the winter. There is a deer herd that comes though every night and every morning. Last summer a Red Breasted Robin raised 4 babies in a nest under my deck. Since the deck is above a walk-out basement, I was able to observe the eggs, hatching and growth of the babies. Care was required because a Mommy Robin can be VERY aggressive!

Another day of no help from the Toad. He lives holed up in his “man cave”. On the positive side, I have had a very peaceful day, educating myself on how to build a blog page! Baby steps!

 

 

The Toad In MY Road Begins

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FencelineTonight while IM’ing with my Daughter & complaining about the fact that my retired spouse does almost nothing to help around the house even though I work anywhere from 40-80 hours a week as a Project Manager. Her comment was “he’s a Toad”. My reply was “Yeah, he’s the Toad in MY Road!” I got an LOL back and a comment “that would make a great blog site title”. And so with a recommendation to start on WordPress.com, I have now launched my first ever blog site.

Even though I have worked in IT for decades, I have never done anything like this and really have no clue what I am doing. But this could be fun! And it might save my sanity, if not my marriage!