Tag Archives: weight

The Weight Toad

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Losing weight is such an ordeal. I have tried every diet known to mankind – and failed at all of them. The only time I ever successfully lost weight was on a medically supervised diet in my early 20’s. And I kept the weight off, God only knows how, for nearly 10 years. However, I allowed a new marriage, raising my Daughter, finishing college, first professional level job, Mom’s cancer, the Spouse Toad, and my stupid brain to derail me into a weigh gain that has accumulated for nearly 30 years. At 60+ years of age, the train has to get into reverse if it is to avoid a collision with the Grim Reaper.

So how to stay on track when my brain screams “I want a cookie, I want a donut, I want ice cream, I want, I want, I want” every waking moment of my life. It is definitely a war of the minds – both in the same head, attached to one person – me! I wish I could shoot that brain that is alway screaming “I want”!

My Daughter has successfully lost quite a few pounds using My Fitness Pal (MFP) & exercise. SO, for the past 2 weeks I have been using MFP and logging ALL my food – every last calorie, regardless of whether it takes me over my goal or not. What an eye opener! Calories pile up unbelievably fast! No wonder my ass is so fat! I have found that it is definitely calories in versus calories out.

While I read articles on negative calorie foods and all that, it all comes down to total calories. If I eat more than about 1200 calories a day, I don’t lose. If I eat between 1200 – 1500 calories or so, I pretty much stay where I am. More than 1500, the pounds keep going up. If I add exercise into the equation, then I can eat more calories. Ugh! All this calorie counting drives me nuts, but what are you gonna do? Either I do it and lose the weight or don’t and face the consequences!

And there are consequences, believe me. My Orthopedist says I am facing knee replacement surgery in 3-6 years if I don’t get the weight off. While my blood pressure is still an enviable 110/70, it is up from 90/60 in previous years. So far no diabetes, but I am not sure how or why. I do have high cholesterol but don’t take pills for it because they give me leg cramps. So what to do! Gotta face it & get myself into a regular exercise routine and a healthy, calorie limited eating plan. Tonight this blog has kept me out of the kitchen, reminded me of all the nasty health implications of weight gain, AND turned off that screaming voice in my brain for a short time. My Weight Toad has been moved slightly to the side of MY Road for one night.

Toad’s Come in Many Forms

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I have been doing some deep pondering this past weekend since starting my blog. I mean, you can’t write a blog without something interesting to say. Who wants to listen to continuous rants about the lack of help from my spouse? Besides, why waste energy on being frustrated with the lack of help! I looked at his bank account balance this weekend – I’m hiring a cleaning team and paying for it out of his account!

I also realized that my spouse is not the only Toad in MY road. I have numerous Toads, although he is the biggest and by far the most frustrating. My other Toads are my fault. I get frustrated because of lack of help from him, so I just don’t do anything either. I figure if I let things get bad enough, he will pitch in and help. NOT! So this weekend, I began doing the work myself – slowly & quietly, leaving him to stew in his man cave. No one offered to fix breakfast and lunch / dinner were whatever leftovers he could find in the refrigerator – he HATES leftovers. I noshed on veggies and fruit – not much prep and he doesn’t like them!

MY next truly big Toad is my weight. I cannot blame that one on anyone but myself. Well, maybe my stupid brain too – that little voice in my brain that is always shouting “I want chips, I want sweets, I want …, I want …”. Once in my life, when my Daughter was little, I managed to lose 70+ pounds. I realized that if I did not, I might not live to raise her. I kept my weight down until she was in her early teens. I started gaining back when my Mother was diagnosed with cancer. Now 25+ years after my Mother’s death, I weigh more than I ever have in my life. Well last week, I decided that I have to get this Toad under control. Part of that control, is taking care of me, first and foremost. The male human Toad can take care of himself! Or not, his choice.

Writing this blog gives me time to reflect, take stock and focus on what is important to me. I have spent the past 60+ years being what I was expected to be, working to care for others, and to earn a living to keep a roof over mine & my family’s heads. While I still have to work to earn that living, I will be treating my precious free time much more carefully. I will not take it for granted and I will do things I want to do. And along the way, I may just get rid of some of The Toads in MY Road.